Well, we lost the case today. We all saw it coming. We just couldn’t find the concrete evidence that this case needed. My client is keeping his head up, but I can tell this is all very hard on him. I, on the other hand, am a wreck. I haven’t slept more than 12 hours this week. I just stay up thinking about how many people I’ve let down. Other ignorant corporate monsters are going to be able to use my case as reference, and use it to help them get away with other acts of discrimination. I am trying to not think too much about this stuff, but it’s pretty hard not to. On the other hand, I took this case when a lot of people wouldn’t. I gave it my absolute all, so I can’t let it bring me down as much as it has.
The hard part here is knowing when to stop. How many more cases am I going to take if everyone takes years off my life? I spent countless nights obsessing over this last case, wasting hours of my days that could have been spent with family. My children are growing up and I want to be around for that. This realization has given me tremendous inner conflict. Can I stop taking these types of cases without feeling more guilty? Will I be able to turn these types of cases away while accepting others? I honestly have no clue about what I am going to do. What I do know is that something has to change.
